You're Awful, I Love You
by Laury the Latrator
Summary: "You and Tori would never work out." / Jade and Beck have a confrontation following Tori Goes Platinum. Bade one-shot.


Jade slides into the seat next to him because she doesn't know how to be anywhere else. He notices her before the others even glance away from the stage.

"Hey." Beck greets her, voice soft and confused. "Aren't you supposed to be up there?" He sounds almost concerned, but she doesn't believe it. Why should he be? He didn't care enough to watch her practice. He's sided with Tori every step of the way, and now she knows why. She thinks of all the things she could say to him.

_Because Tori's earned my respect._

_Because I could be nice, if that's what you really want._

_Don't talk to me, never talk to me ever again, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you._

"They wanted me to wear pink." She says. He accepts this with a goofy smile.

_I hate you, I hate you, I hate you._

* * *

She throws a brick at his RV. It bounces off the metal side and lands with a thunk. She hears a yell from within and a moment later Beck sticks his head out the door. When he sees her, his shoulders sag.

"Jade?" He says wearily. "What are you doing here?" His eyes find the brick. "Did you throw that?" He asks incredulously.

"You and Tori would never work out." She tells him, completely disregarding his question. Beck blinks at her blankly for a while, then shakes his head.

"Three things." He begins patiently, listing them on his fingers. "One, you cannot throw bricks at people or RVs. Two, who said I was interested in Tori? And three, why couldn't we?"

"You like a mess." She says, crossing her arms. His eyebrows raise at her matter-of-fact tone. He looks about to interrupt, so she plows on. "You want someone broken, damaged, someone you can fix. Tori's too normal for you. Sure, she was acting crazy for a bit there, but in the end she's the most stable person we know. Tori wouldn't be able to handle being with you. She'd never get the push-and-pull thing you need. She wouldn't challenge you. You'd get bored."

"Yeah, and how do you know?" He demands. He takes a step forward.

"I know you." She boasts. She matches his movement, the space between them shrinking to a couple feet. "I know you better than you do. You like to control. It's why you made me jealous all the time. You need to have someone need you."

"You don't need me." He points out, and the sad note in his voice only proves her right. Jade hesitates.

"You're right, I don't need you." It's the truth, but there's another truth lurking under the surface.

_But I do want you._

"See," She continues, "You pretend you're so laid-back, so easy-going, but really you're screwed up just like the rest of us. Until you can be with someone who just wants you, you're never going to be in a healthy relationship with a normal girl. Until then…" She pauses, finding her strength. "You're going to have to make do with people like me." Beck stares at her. Then he takes a large step forward, thrusting himself into her personal space, and captures her lips in a kiss. Her eyes fall shut almost immediately. It's as if she's been waiting for this. Jade pushes back, their mouths mashing together hard. His hands bruise the back of her neck as he pulls her desperately closer. Her fingernails dig into his scalp. She rakes her teeth over his lower lip, and he sucks hard on her upper. Her piercings are painful as they burrow further into her flesh, but she will never stop trying to feel his skin on hers. They drink from each other's mouths like they've been in a drought.

Some sense must return to him, because Beck's grip starts to loosen. He pulls away from her, breathing heavily. Jade, not willing to let go, pulls his head down with little resistance, letting their foreheads rest against each other as they recover.

"See what I mean?" She whispers to him. "Show a little vulnerability and you pounce." Beck sighs, sounding weary once more.

"I still love you, you know." He says. "I try not to, but it doesn't work."

"We didn't break up because we stopped loving each other." She replies. His fingers gently caress her cheeks.

"When did you get so wise?" He asks with a breathless chuckle. Jade shrugs.

"I've had a lot of time to think. Mostly about depressing stuff. You and I fit the bill." Beck drops his hands and straightens. He takes a step back, restoring the distance between them.

"I'm sorry." He says, averting his gaze from her. "You're right, we didn't break up because of that. Want to know why I didn't open the door?" She takes a deep breath. For all of her thinking, she has never dared open that can of worms.

"I was the one stupid enough to give an ultimatum." She replies, lowering her head in shame. "If I was in the situation, I'd be too proud to cave too."

"That's not it." He tells her. "I'm used to your dramatics." He finally raises his eyes, waiting until Jade does the same. Their gaze holds tenuously. "Everything about us is intense. We can't not be going at it full speed. There's nothing in my life that makes me feel _so much_, except for you. It's… It's scary. I was afraid." Jade shakes her head in disbelief.

"You're never afraid. I've never seen you scared of anything, not even me."

"Well, I was." He admits. "I am. I knew we would keep fighting until we end up hating each other. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you if you're going to hate me eventually." It's not the first time he's talked about 'the rest of their lives', and every time she gets a swell of warmth within her. But this time, the warmth is drowned out by the cold that's taken over her heart. She swallows thickly.

"I would never hate you, not if we were together. I've always loved you too much to really hate you. But that's our problem. You live in the future, I live in the now. I don't deal in what ifs. And if you didn't either, I wouldn't be so close to hating you now." Beck sighs, sounding incredibly tired and sad and, more than anything, defeated.

"I'll see you at school." He says, and without a glance back he turns and gets into the RV. Jade watches him go, then makes her way towards her car. She can't resist looking over her shoulder. It's her turn to let out a melancholy sigh.

_I don't hate you, I'll never hate you, I wish I could..._

* * *

**Just a reactionary little fic expressing my attempt at rationalizing Beck's behavior. Jade is a bit too mature here, but I figure someone has to be. This is me dabbling in psychoanalysis, not trying to make everything better. I'm sorry if it's too sad, I hope you enjoyed it anyway.**

**The title's from a Ludo song called_ Love Me Dead_, and I recommend it for all Bade lovers.**


End file.
